I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
