airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was like giving head to a cactus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
