it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
