I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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