Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
