Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's blow job season.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
