he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
