It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
