gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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