I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
