I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
