Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
