DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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