You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
