garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my phone needs a breathalizer
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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