goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
