If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
