One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
