Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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