I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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