I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
