How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
