Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
