I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
