32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
