she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
