Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
