Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
