Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
