he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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