It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
