My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
