My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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