Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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