I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
