meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
