I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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