So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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