girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize