Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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