i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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