So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
