I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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