I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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