Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
