were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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