I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
