Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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