Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
