Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize