Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
