I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
