I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize