just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
