i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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