actually, I'm a sock model
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize