i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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