Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
