Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
