At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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