So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
