his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
