Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
