Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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