Tell her she can't have a vagina
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
