He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
