How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
