My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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