walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
