dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
