I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
