I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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