After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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