nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm like, not good at living.
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