She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize