Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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