The maid of honor just puked.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
