Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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