you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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