Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize