and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize