You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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