the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
