She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
