You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
