If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
