He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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