When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
