I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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