She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
