u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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