; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
