i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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