first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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