idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I want her autograph on my taint
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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