I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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