All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
