i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
