swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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