boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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