Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
