Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
