i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
