She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
