i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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