so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you win again, gameday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
