Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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