My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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